So I’ve shared some of my emotional and spiritual struggles going into this process,and let you in on some of the humorous aspects of when things do wrong. Today, I wanted to update you on where I am in this current cycle.

I’m not gonna lie, this cycle, and 2018, did not begin well. While my doctor is very willing to work with us on payments, the fertility pharmacies we deal with are not, and I don’t care who you are, dropping $7K+ on medicines in one day is just never easy. But we had it all planned out, right up until we found out that money we expected from several sources, was all going to be delayed by a few days. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world except that I had to start my meds on a particular day.

After a few hours of mild panicking we figured out a solution, they would send us enough meds until the other money came in, and we would order the rest. Good right?

We thought so, until the pharmacy where we were ordering our meds got hit by winter weather. Big deal right? Well the pharmacy is in Nashville, so yeah.

I’m a southern girl through and through so Im allowed to make fun of how much we freak the heck out when it snows. I’m not kidding, 2 inches shuts everything down. For days. So I’m on the phone with this sweet southern belle who’s telling me its minus a billion degrees outside (= 25 degrees) and that Fedex may not be able to pick up packages. Of course.

Commence more moderate panicking. So we came up with a plan, I would drive 2 hours to Colorado Springs and pick up enough medication from my Dr to get me through the weekend. So I wasted half my day in the car, but at least I had my medications for now. Relief.

So yes I started my stim (stimulation) meds on Thursday. They involve one shot in the morning (Gonal-F), and one in the evening (Menopur), 12 hours apart. Before my stim meds I was taking another shot, HGH, or Human Growth Hormone. If that sounds familiar, yes it is the same drug that Mrs. Peyton Manning was using, and is a banned substance for athletes. So you heard it here first everyone, I’m officially giving up on any chance of me being a professional athlete. 😉

Everyone always asks about how these medicines make you feel, here is a list of common side effects:

• headache,
• drowsiness,
• stomach or abdominal pain,
• bloating,
• injection site reactions (pain, swelling, irritation, redness),
• breast enlargement or tenderness,
• dizziness,
• nausea,
• vomiting,
• diarrhea,
• shortness of breath,
• pain/warmth/tenderness centralized in an arm or leg,
• fever,
• chills,
• weakness or aching of muscles or joints, or
• rash
• pelvic pain or tenderness,
• bloating,
• injection site reactions (redness, pain, bruising, irritation),
• breast swelling/tenderness/pain,
• numbness or tingly feeling,
• runny or stuffy nose,
• sore throat,
• acne, or
• skin rash.

Fun right? Thankfully for me, I usually experience just the headache, the bloating, the fatigue, bruising, and drowsiness. So it could be much worse. I’m on a higher dose of medicine this time round though, so watch this space, I may be in for a few more on this list.

But #worthit right? Absolutely. There is something really special about each shot you give, each pill you take, it’s a deliberate action reinforcing the desire of your heart. And even though you hold the outcome loosely, just going through the actions solidifies at least for me, that this desire is God-breathed, and not a passing whim, or social pressure. God has given me this desire, and He is faithful.

This morning I was privileged to sing on our worship team at Calvary. What everyone didn’t see was that right before our first service, I was giving myself a shot in the stomach. I honestly injected myself and then immediately walked out on the platform. I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t feel awesome. But I’m always amazed at how, regardless how I feel before worship, once I shift my focus to God, He gives me all the strength and grace I need to make it through.

Honestly, I can think of no better way to surrender this process to God than in His house each Sunday morning. Surrounded by loving community and friends, that despite our circumstances, how many things go wrong that week, or how many days, months or years we have to wait for the desires of our heart, we can proclaim to God:  “How Great is Your Love!”